For Men: Five Fail-Proof Tips for Valentine’s Day

556424_403697436391640_1574604472_nHere’s one simple thing to remember, guys: for women, Valentine’s Day is much like the Super Bowl for men.

In other words, ignore this date at your own peril.

It’s great that you’ve got a relationship that is going well. However, if you want to see it continue, don’t snooze through Valentine’s Day. Nothing will make a woman feel more forgotten than to have this day come and go without hearing from you.

Fortunately, however, the vast majority of women are not looking for a grand display of love. What they want more than anything else is to know you, too, want to celebrate what you’ve built together, to acknowledge it to her.

Here are five fail-proof ways to let her know that you care.

#1: Up your game on this special day. If normally you go out to eat inexpensively, Thai perhaps, and you go to a movie, take it up a notch with an eatery that has real atmosphere, and perhaps a live show, a comedy club, music venue, anything that says this is a special day. If you find that you’re too late to get tickets, take her out for that nice meal and give her the tickets for the coming weekend. It says that you’re serious about wanting her to have a special evening.

#2: Staying in is okay—if you create the mood that makes it special. Considering some of the recent snowstorms that have been occurring in various parts of the country, this may be your only option anyway. Well believe it or not, done right, the kitchen can be an environment for romance. But remember to keep things simple and prepare ahead.
Consider comfort food dishes that you know you both like. And then be sure to try one thing new: perhaps a tantalizing dessert. What makes any meal really special is the setting! Tablecloth, candles, flowers and music set the tone for a special night.

#3: Flowers are appreciated any day, but never more so than on Valentine’s Day. And certainly red roses are traditional. But they may be scarce this year. So get creative with flowers – or a bouquet – that are both lovely and memorable. In other words, skip the dozen red roses and go for something different — like purple calla lilies.

Whatever you do, don’t cut corners on flowers. Bringing her a plant says, “Here is one more thing for you to care for.” And the grocery store, here today, dead tomorrow bouquet just doesn’t get the job done on Valentine’s Day.

#4: Do something silly, but endearing. It might be one e-mail an hour, because this says to her: “You’re always on my mind.” Or, over the course of the day, send her lots of silly little things: a basket with a stuffed bear, a box of candy, an over-sized card and something that is a reminder of your first date. All of this says, “I wanted to take the extra time to show you how special you are to me.”

#5: Finally, try a love letter, love poem, love song. Why? Because women like to know that you’re willing to put yourself out there when it comes to expressing how much you care. Guys are too concerned about getting it just right and fail to understand that what a woman appreciates most of all is that you care.

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Source – [Eharmony]


A Mars Venus Guide: Dating Do’s and Don’ts for Men

datingIf you think that dating isn’t a perplexing experience for a man, think again.

Your palms are damp. You’re stuttering slightly. You suddenly realize that you’ve got an annoying habit of brushing back your hair with your hand. Guys, all this is proof positive that you don’t like first dates, either.

If you want to make the best impression possible, take a look at some of your most common mistakes:

1. Don’t drown her out with your voice.
Women who are invariably better communicators will ask questions, and be attentive when listening to a response. Unfortunately on a lot of first dates, the woman may not get much of a chance to speak because some nervous guy finds it all but impossible to stop talking. This is understandable. Because they’re uncomfortable with the early dating process, most men will attempt to mask their discomfort with a barrage of words.

To be sociable the woman keeps nodding her head, which encourages the guy to keep talking as well. Unfortunately, she comes away from the date thinking “What a jerk, he dominated the entire conversation.”

So, how do you stop chattering? Just remember this simple rule: don’t talk more than her, and do ask questions.

2. Most importantly, be a good listener, resist that natural male instinct to offer up quick solutions.
What most women appreciate is a man who can hear what they have to say without interruption. Further, men: try to be brief in your comments and try to get her to open up and express her thoughts.

3. Don’t look away when she talks.
This sends her the signal that you’re not interested in her. In fact, women really appreciate and feel comfortable if he maintains eye contact with her while she talks. When a woman feels safe enough to open up and express what is going on inside of her, that’s when real bonding takes place.

4. Be a “nice guy”…
It’s a myth that women don’t like nice guys. Opening a car door, helping her on with her jacket, and other small acts of kindness are appreciated by women and should be on every guy’s dating to-do list.

5. …But don’t be a “needy guy.”
Some men confuse “nice guy,” with “needy guy,” which is a turn-off to most women. If you’re too eager to please, this makes a woman feel that she has to give more before she knows whether she wants to invest herself into the relationship. So do be gracious and gentlemanly, but don’t be pushy or needy.

6. Don’t play the sympathy card.
Many men do this, by retelling how they saw themselves as abused in one or more old relationships. Here’s a reality check: needy guys might get pity, but they don’t get the girl.

7. Let her know you’ve heard her.
After a guy gets past the awkwardness of that first date, little impresses a woman more than when a man can show that he heard something she said during their time together and now he has planned a second date around that information.

Here are a couple of simple examples: she talked about how much she loves the zoo, and a guy plans a date around an outing to the zoo. Or she talked about a particular band that she enjoys, and her man shows up with tickets to hear them play. Men get points for being good listeners—and big bonus points for acting on what they have heard.

8. Do plan ahead.
Do give her a few choices that show you’ve done your homework, that you have put some thought into the planning process in the hope of making a great date. It’s big pressure on a woman when a guy says, “What do you want to do? I’ll do whatever you want.” To hear that would be a gift for most men, but it is not what most women want to hear. Every date doesn’t have to be “mutually fulfilling.” Providing a fulfilling experience for his date makes it a wonderful date for most men too.

9. Last but not least, pay her compliments.
Sounds simple, right? But many men don’t think about it, or have any idea how significant it is to compliment his date. All you have to do is say out loud what you’re thinking: “You look amazing…” “I love your scarf/belt/earrings.” Guys are hesitant to say such things for fear that it sounds corny, but in truth compliments mean a lot to her, and they say that she has been noticed. Just as a man feels loved and supported when his efforts are noticed, she feels loved and supported by being seen and appreciated.

A man might find this level of attention and praise off-putting, but for a woman, who probably spent a lot of time getting ready for a date and perhaps several days considering what she would wear, compliments are an acknowledgement that her time and effort were well spent.

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Source – [Eharmony]


A Mars Venus Guide: Dating Do’s and Don’ts for Women


I use a recurring metaphor in my relationship advice: that communication issues understand each other’s languages—almost as if they are from different planets.arise between men and women because they don’t

 Since a first date is where a woman and a man first attempt to learn each other’s lingo, it’s also where many relationships go off-kilter, where the first misunderstandings and misperceptions are formed.

Can these mishaps be avoided? Of course. Let me give you some specific examples:

1. Compliment him.
Let’s set our imaginary date at a nice restaurant that the guy has chosen for the first official date. By nice I don’t mean the town’s very best restaurant, just a comfortable place where he has probably gone and had a good meal before.

If a woman says that her dish is, for example, too salty, she will think nothing of talking negatively about the food, or even extend the conversation about why the kitchen staff is not more careful in their use of spices. If it were two women sharing an evening out, complaining about the food or service is perfectly fine, because talking about problems is a bonding experience on Venus.  However on Mars, men tie their egos to the choices they make. This is never truer than in the case of a restaurant that they have chosen. Now if on the other hand, a woman says, “Wow this place is a real find! I love the way they do their chicken….” In a man’s mind, he’s scored major points. It’s as if he went into the kitchen and cooked that meal himself.

It may sound a little odd to a woman that a man would take such pride in the choices that he makes. But keep in mind: he is so intent on pleasing and impressing—on a first date particularly—that he simply cannot separate his date’s approval of him from her approval of the choices that he makes.

This is true if the date continues on to a movie, a concert, or any other event. To him, the experience she has determines how she feels about him and their time together.

2. Draw him out, but don’t leave him hanging.
The old advice, passed along from mothers to daughters, was that, typically, on a first date you should get him to talk about himself. You must have already noticed that, in most cases, that goes against the grain; that as a general rule, men are better at listening than speaking. Now of course, that is not to suggest that a woman show no curiosity about his life or his interests. The point is not to leave the burden of carrying a conversation on his shoulders because there is a good chance that will lead to a series of uncomfortable moments where he is just not sure what to say.

You can see this Martian/Venusian communication gap for yourself. Take a party with five couples. Often you’ll see the males gravitate to a TV set and they bond, mostly in silence, by watching a game together. Meanwhile the women will be busy in conversation over a dozen different topics.

On a first date especially, a woman should not attempt to test a man’s verbal skills, because they’ll come up short—and he’ll know that. This leaves him with the feeling that the date was not a success.

3. Keep it light & bright
While a woman wants to anticipate carrying the conversation, she should be careful not to focus on negative past experiences—particularly in dating. Males project themselves into situations that they hear about; so when a woman shares her past relationship disappointments, the guy may nod empathetically, but all the time he is thinking, “That sounds like me!”

Additionally, women should not look to use men as sounding boards. The natural instinct on Mars is to solve problems. Venusians share and empathize. Martians communicate with the aim of problem solving or impressing upon one another their unique point of view. That’s why men will so often ask in wonderment, “If you didn’t want my help, why did you tell me about this in the first place.” In other words, sharing for the sake of sharing is an alien concept on Mars.

In summary, a woman’s intention on a first, second, or third date is to be upbeat and positive. Do let him know that he can succeed in making you happy. Don’t make him feel tested or challenged. Whenever possible, do praise his choices, and don’t be critical based on some simplistic notion that “honesty is always the best policy.” Don’t place a boyfriend in the role of a girl friend. You’re not looking for another gal pal. You’re looking for Mr. Right.

The bottom line: Make it an experience you both enjoy.

If you want the relationship to blossom, be sure to let him know that he is capable of pleasing you. Success brings men back. If he gets the impression that he cannot please you, he’ll continue to look for a woman who he can.

Source – [Eharmony]

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